And now for the Doomsday Prepper on your list…The Wise Company Emergency Food Supply. One (or 36) of these sealed four gallon white buckets contains 60 bags of just-add-boiling-water meals in ‘em. You get eight servings each of Savory Stroganoff, Chili Macaroni, Pasta Alfredo, Creamy Pasta and Vegetable Rotini, Teriyaki and Rice,Creamy Ala King and Rice, Creamy Tomato and Basil and four servings of Cheesy Lasagna. Though these little foil bags of freeze dried nutrition are clearly not for the lactose-intolerant, they are 100% vegetarian (except for these) and they have a shelf life of 25 years. 25 years?!? Too bad you can’t stock up on an arsenal of Twinkies for dessert.
And the winner of the best gift for the girl-who-has-everything (especially a wicked sense of humor)…IS…A…Sweet Nothing pendant from In God We Trust. These little rascals will turn the frown upside down on even the most jaded Grinchette. At first glance, the beveled gold heart ornament on a dainty gold chain seems innocent enough. But on closer inspection of the delicate heart’s engraving, you’re assaulted by a fine, “HOW DO YA DO?!”
In God We Trust, our friends. In God We Trust! And, in addition to the above-pictured expletive, they have a shitload of other hysterical pre-engraved phrases on one of these seemingly innocent charms. Willing & Able, Hot Mess, Blah blah blah, Bless This Mess, Lucky Bitch, Really (Effing) Cute, TAKEN, Crazy Sexy Cool, Wonderbuns, Big Butt and A Smile, One Sick Bitch and NOPE are just a few examples of the PG messages tattooed on these diminutive temperaments of brass. If you want to get more authentic, an extra ten bucks will get you any slogan that’ll fit on the charm. And whether it’s your choice of words or theirs, one thing is for sure…you’ll get a chuckle next time you’re close enough to get a glimpse of these fine and delectable dictums.
We here at ON THE REAL love to talk about New York City’s history and when we were walking by C.O. Bigelow this morning on Sixth Avenue we felt compelled to tell you a little about its history and remind you that C.O. Bigelow is a fantastic and old-time classic at which to procure a gift or two. You see, back in 1838 when Martin Van Buren was president, Dr. Galen Hunter formulated Rose Wonder Cold Cream and opened The Village Apothecary Shop. 15 years later, he sold it to an employee named George Hooper who in 1870 developed their Lemon Body Cream which is still a favorite today. In 1880, another employee bought the shop and renamed it C.O. Bigelow.Clarence Otis Bigelow and various employees ran the shop until 1939 when William Ginsberg bought the store, continuing the long tradition of the pharmacy being handed down from owner to employee. The Ginsberg Family still owns C.O. Bigelow and that is one of the many reasons why you should shop there instead of at one of the chains. They have a fantastic selection of skin care and apothecary products that you’re not going to find everywhere else. Guys, grab one of C.O. Bigelow’s incredibly helpful associates and have them put together a gift basket with amazing scents, creams and scrubs for her to enjoy while you take the kids for a long afternoon. Ladies, get him a new Made-in-England shaving set with their premium shave cream. Either way, you’ll be inspired when you walk in to C.O. Bigelow and witness how many amazing products they have packed in between this nearly 200-year-old establishment’s walls. Oh, and don’t forget to get your Xanax prescription filled while you shop. The in-laws will be here before you know it.
The best place in the East Village to grab your stocking stuffers is certainly Exit 9. They have everything from stuffed animals to iPhone cases to headphones to fake moustaches to PanAm Skybags to bike bells to whoopee cushions to funny-looking colanders……to cutting boards to wallets to socks to Gummy Bear lamps to alarm clocks to Kido Tug Boats to magic sets to garlic rockers to Pig Poppers to pocket microscopes to table ping-pong to chopsticks to squishables to head massagers to Bacon Mints. They also have a glockenspiel. We love Exit 9.
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…12 sets of eye balls, 11 ancient scarabs, 10 bags of marbles, 9 pairs of spectacles, 8 feral squirrels, 7 sets of cuff links, 6 vintage deer hooves…FIIIIVE BONY TOOOOOOOOOES…4 bats in resin, 3 deer heads, 2 turtle shells and some birdies in a bell jar. Obscura. One stop oddball shopping for the Addams side of your family.
Here’s a thoughtful gift for your favorite wanna-be-green-thumbed New Yorker: the Scout Regalia patio garden kit. Perfect for smaller outdoor spaces like a city balcony or fire escape, these kits are an easy way for an urban gardener to get some green things growing fast.The freestanding raised garden bed was designed so it rests above the surface of your floor and is lined with a recycled drainage textile to help the soil aerate and plants to breathe. Constructed with certified redwood planks, it’s only going to get more handsome as it gets weather-beaten. And the kicker is it comes fully assembled, so all they need to do is add dirt, seeds and love.
If the words cologne, eau de toilette, parfum, extrait and perfume fill you with a sort of olfactory dread, conjuring up choking vapors of Estee Lauder’s Beautiful or Ralph Lauren’s Chaps, then know this my friend, you are not alone. In the world of mass-produced fragrance where every other pseudo celebutard has a signature scent, the road to smelling good often dead ends into a headache. The sense of smell is among our most powerful and can conjure up powerful visceral emotions, both good and bad. I can still recall the fragrance choices of everyone from my fifth grade science teacher to my high school girlfriend, which might explain why I have been decidedly anti-perfume for most of my adult life.That is, until one day not so far back, Lesa came home wearing something altogether different. Earthy. Musky. Natural. Primal. But, not like the cloud hanging over a Dead show. She had stumbled upon Le Labo. Fantastic Le Labo. The store is spare, austere, and slightly mysterious like, well, a laboratory. The shop’s founding master perfumers drafted a “Treatise of Olfactory Resistance” and, believe me, this is a revolution you’ll want get behind. Le Labo staffers formulate each of the shop’s ten fragrances by hand, while you wait. In their arsenal of seductive scents you’ll find heady blends of sandal, delicate rose, fleur d’oranger, bergamote, vetiver, jasmine, and much more. Each fragrance stands alone or can be layered to create your own signature scent. What’s more, the mix masters at Le Labo will personalize an apothecary style label for your perfume.And just in time for the holidays, they’ve introduced a utilitarian, vintage metal casing that a travel size vial of fragrance tucks into with military precision. And in just five minutes they’ll engrave the canister with your loved one’s monogram. If you do one thing this holiday season, heed this battle call. Drop one of these scent grenades on your significant other and you’ll be making love, not war, indeed.
For your lady or the little ones, go to Pink Olive in either Park Slope or the East Village. They have a fantastic mixture of cards, books, bags, art, jewelry, stuffed animals, kid’s clothes, candles and soaps. It’s the perfect one-stop-shop for smaller, more thoughtful gifts with a lovable sense of humor.I really like the “Anatomy of Love” print, but the vast selection of Jellycat stuffed animals have put so many smiles on and wiped so many tears off my three-year-old’s sweet face that I just have to shout out a huge “THANK YOU” to the good citizens that run sweet Pink Olive.
This year I want the Canvas Shop Brief from Jack Spade. Seriously, check this thing out. It’s built out of heavy-duty canvas and Italian leather with custom die-cast hardware. This is the kind of bag that I’ll be able to kick the shit out of for years and it’s just going to get better and better.I’ll also have one of these sweaters, a new wallet, an iPad case and new down vest. There are stores on Bleecker and Greene for your gift procurement sessions. Of course, online shopping is always an option if it’s too cold to hit the Jack Spade bricks and mortar. Looking forward to opening these. Thanks, Babe. You’re a peach.
Alright, guys. You’re not going to procrastinate until the last possible minute this year and she’s well deserving of some super sexy jewelry on this go-round of gift giving. So, get her a pair of pendant earrings and the super chic Olympie Bracelet at Gas Bijoux on Mott, Bleecker, Columbus or their new shop on Elizabeth.Their earings come in tons of different dangly styles and the bracelet is adjustable so fits just about anyone. The prices at Gas Bijoux? Genius. If you’re less-than-confident in choosing the right fit for your lady, their stylish and friendly staff will help you pick something great.