And now for the Doomsday Prepper on your list…The Wise Company Emergency Food Supply. One (or 36) of these sealed four gallon white buckets contains 60 bags of just-add-boiling-water meals in ‘em. You get eight servings each of Savory Stroganoff, Chili Macaroni, Pasta Alfredo, Creamy Pasta and Vegetable Rotini, Teriyaki and Rice,Creamy Ala King and Rice, Creamy Tomato and Basil and four servings of Cheesy Lasagna. Though these little foil bags of freeze dried nutrition are clearly not for the lactose-intolerant, they are 100% vegetarian (except for these) and they have a shelf life of 25 years. 25 years?!? Too bad you can’t stock up on an arsenal of Twinkies for dessert.
And the winner of the best gift for the girl-who-has-everything (especially a wicked sense of humor)…IS…A…Sweet Nothing pendant from In God We Trust. These little rascals will turn the frown upside down on even the most jaded Grinchette. At first glance, the beveled gold heart ornament on a dainty gold chain seems innocent enough. But on closer inspection of the delicate heart’s engraving, you’re assaulted by a fine, “HOW DO YA DO?!”
In God We Trust, our friends. In God We Trust! And, in addition to the above-pictured expletive, they have a shitload of other hysterical pre-engraved phrases on one of these seemingly innocent charms. Willing & Able, Hot Mess, Blah blah blah, Bless This Mess, Lucky Bitch, Really (Effing) Cute, TAKEN, Crazy Sexy Cool, Wonderbuns, Big Butt and A Smile, One Sick Bitch and NOPE are just a few examples of the PG messages tattooed on these diminutive temperaments of brass. If you want to get more authentic, an extra ten bucks will get you any slogan that’ll fit on the charm. And whether it’s your choice of words or theirs, one thing is for sure…you’ll get a chuckle next time you’re close enough to get a glimpse of these fine and delectable dictums.
We here at ON THE REAL love to talk about New York City’s history and when we were walking by C.O. Bigelow this morning on Sixth Avenue we felt compelled to tell you a little about its history and remind you that C.O. Bigelow is a fantastic and old-time classic at which to procure a gift or two. You see, back in 1838 when Martin Van Buren was president, Dr. Galen Hunter formulated Rose Wonder Cold Cream and opened The Village Apothecary Shop. 15 years later, he sold it to an employee named George Hooper who in 1870 developed their Lemon Body Cream which is still a favorite today. In 1880, another employee bought the shop and renamed it C.O. Bigelow.Clarence Otis Bigelow and various employees ran the shop until 1939 when William Ginsberg bought the store, continuing the long tradition of the pharmacy being handed down from owner to employee. The Ginsberg Family still owns C.O. Bigelow and that is one of the many reasons why you should shop there instead of at one of the chains. They have a fantastic selection of skin care and apothecary products that you’re not going to find everywhere else. Guys, grab one of C.O. Bigelow’s incredibly helpful associates and have them put together a gift basket with amazing scents, creams and scrubs for her to enjoy while you take the kids for a long afternoon. Ladies, get him a new Made-in-England shaving set with their premium shave cream. Either way, you’ll be inspired when you walk in to C.O. Bigelow and witness how many amazing products they have packed in between this nearly 200-year-old establishment’s walls. Oh, and don’t forget to get your Xanax prescription filled while you shop. The in-laws will be here before you know it.
The best place in the East Village to grab your stocking stuffers is certainly Exit 9. They have everything from stuffed animals to iPhone cases to headphones to fake moustaches to PanAm Skybags to bike bells to whoopee cushions to funny-looking colanders……to cutting boards to wallets to socks to Gummy Bear lamps to alarm clocks to Kido Tug Boats to magic sets to garlic rockers to Pig Poppers to pocket microscopes to table ping-pong to chopsticks to squishables to head massagers to Bacon Mints. They also have a glockenspiel. We love Exit 9.
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…12 sets of eye balls, 11 ancient scarabs, 10 bags of marbles, 9 pairs of spectacles, 8 feral squirrels, 7 sets of cuff links, 6 vintage deer hooves…FIIIIVE BONY TOOOOOOOOOES…4 bats in resin, 3 deer heads, 2 turtle shells and some birdies in a bell jar. Obscura. One stop oddball shopping for the Addams side of your family.
I’m a terrible sock buyer. I’m the guy who would prefer to just hit Kmart every few months for eight packs of classic white tubes. First problem is when you have to take off your shoes because this evening’s holiday party host is a germaphobe, you kind look like a schlub in those things. Second problem is when you get home, your wife thinks the same thing.Here’s your Smelly Ugly Sock Rectification Solution. The Sock Hop on Elizabeth Street. The Nasserbakht brothers curate this amazing collection focusing on real craftmanship from heel to toe. The socks are carefully organized by gender, color and pattern. You can go completely conservative or wildly not. The Sock Hop also has a custom shirt maker on site. Measurements are taken and your pattern is cut and stored right there in the shop. You can go in at any time, choose whichever fabric is working for you in that particular season and have your completely custom shirt draped over your shoulders in about a week. We love how these brothers are keeping it old school in one of the country’s most historic neighborhoods. Whether your profession requires you to dress for work each day or you simply fancy good, old-fashioned bespoke dandy-ness, at The Sock Hop you’ll be sure to find a way to communicate your inner extrovert. By way of sock, or by way of shirt.
If the words cologne, eau de toilette, parfum, extrait and perfume fill you with a sort of olfactory dread, conjuring up choking vapors of Estee Lauder’s Beautiful or Ralph Lauren’s Chaps, then know this my friend, you are not alone. In the world of mass-produced fragrance where every other pseudo celebutard has a signature scent, the road to smelling good often dead ends into a headache. The sense of smell is among our most powerful and can conjure up powerful visceral emotions, both good and bad. I can still recall the fragrance choices of everyone from my fifth grade science teacher to my high school girlfriend, which might explain why I have been decidedly anti-perfume for most of my adult life.That is, until one day not so far back, Lesa came home wearing something altogether different. Earthy. Musky. Natural. Primal. But, not like the cloud hanging over a Dead show. She had stumbled upon Le Labo. Fantastic Le Labo. The store is spare, austere, and slightly mysterious like, well, a laboratory. The shop’s founding master perfumers drafted a “Treatise of Olfactory Resistance” and, believe me, this is a revolution you’ll want get behind. Le Labo staffers formulate each of the shop’s ten fragrances by hand, while you wait. In their arsenal of seductive scents you’ll find heady blends of sandal, delicate rose, fleur d’oranger, bergamote, vetiver, jasmine, and much more. Each fragrance stands alone or can be layered to create your own signature scent. What’s more, the mix masters at Le Labo will personalize an apothecary style label for your perfume.And just in time for the holidays, they’ve introduced a utilitarian, vintage metal casing that a travel size vial of fragrance tucks into with military precision. And in just five minutes they’ll engrave the canister with your loved one’s monogram. If you do one thing this holiday season, heed this battle call. Drop one of these scent grenades on your significant other and you’ll be making love, not war, indeed.
Leave the squint to Clint. How about a pair of kickass shades from Sol Moscot? This local family-owned business first began selling ready-made eyeglasses from a pushcart on Orchard Street back in 1899, and has been faithfully serving New Yorkers optical needs ever since.How many years have you walked past one of those huge Moscot signs without trying on their iconic frames? Your loved one deserves the gift of sight without glare, but don’t you dare go to Sunglass Hut. Moscot and represent.
On one thing we can all agree: cold heads suck. And since 1895, an original American-made cap from stylish hatter Goorin Bros. has been the perfect antidote to a chilly noggin. They have a huge variety for both men and women, and can even custom fit a hat on the spot for you using 200 year old milliner’s hat blocking tools and a steamer.Don’t be a Scrooge! Your loved one’s head deserves it. (Locations in both West Village & Park Slope.)