On Biking.

The only reason you should be wearing that spandex outfit with advertisements printed on it on the New York City streets is if you are training for the Tour de France next year. Otherwise, you are a dipshit.

Don’t you dare give me a dirty look as you hurtle towards me going the wrong way down a one-way street. I’m in the right here, you have no moral authority.

Don’t you dare give me a dirty look or tell me I’m going the wrong way as I hurtle towards you going the wrong way down a one-way street. I know. I just have to get to that place on the corner so stop being such a tight ass.

To the food delivery guy downtown who manages to smoke while biking. Well done, sir.

nyc, biking, rants

To the a-hole who is texting while biking. While I know it’s wrong to wish you immediate bodily harm, just know that I am debating whether it is wrong to wish you immediate bodily harm.

To the delivery van driving 50 miles per hour down a side street and missing me by and inch. Come on, dude. I have kids.

To the pedestrian standing in the bike lane, kindly step 17 feet forward into the middle of the avenue. Cars and trucks will get the job done far more quickly and with less pain than a 148 pound hipster on a ’58 Raleigh will.

And, finally, to the new mom standing in the aforementioned bike lane with a newborn in a stroller…respect.

We'd love to hear what you think about this one.